Parents and teachers have difficulty explaining the nature of anger. When we use synonyms such as mad, frustrated, or disappointed to explain what anger is, we are not helping a child understand their experience. Here is our working definition: Anger is the reaction that energizes us to fight when things are not right. It is our brain and body’s reaction when something gets in our way or when our safety is threatened. This simple working definition proactively addresses anger sparks and helps us manage the strong feelings that cloud our thinking and fuel aggression.
Anger can be rapidly sparked without any awareness of thought or intention. It can begin with a pre-anger vulnerability (such as hunger, fatigue, or stress), with little or no overt sign that anger is brewing. The various stages of anger reflect the degree of physical activation, cognitive distortion, aggression, and the degree to which the thinking brain has been hijacked by emotional dysregulation.
The biology of anger often involves extremely rapid and powerful chemical processes that accelerate heartbeat and increase blood flow to our muscles. Structures of the brain, such as the thalamus, hypothalamus, periaqueductal gray (PAG), tempero-parietal junction and amygdala are all involved in the sparking and manifestation of anger. The brain’s limbic system is the first to react and activate the energy systems; only then does the information make its way to the thinking brain – the prefrontal cortex. Prefrontal cortex, “thinking brain” functions involve left-right brain integration and are essential in anger control. The left part of the brain contains the approach functions – moving towards whatever the spark or stimulus is. The right side of the orbital prefrontal cortex is designed to withdraw or flee. Angry children rarely withdraw from a sparking situation, as it goes against the natural tendencies of a young, maturing brain.
When we perceive a threat, brain chemicals are immediately released that increase our heart rate, activate our muscles and “shut dow other less important brain functions. When we get angry, we feel stronger, talk louder, and become more physical. This is why an angry person is more likely to strike out or damage property. It is no wonder that such terms as ballistic, boiling, steamed or fried have become part of our anger vocabulary. (An excellent review of the biology of anger is provided in, Healing the Angry Brain by Ronald Potter-Efron).
The energizing nature of anger overwhelms young children and can be quite difficult for them to control. Knowing how your child experiences their anger helps you recognize and manage the early stages. Ultimately, we want children to be able to control their anger before it overwhelms their thinking brain. There is typically an interpersonal element—a child will get angry because they believe someone has intentionally wronged them. This is often why a child gets angry with some people and not others.
Anger suppresses the thinking brain to focus on action. The “thinking brain” is limited in its ability to assert influence over the anger centers (the “dinosaur” or “hulk” brain”). Thus, angry children don’t respond to what you say to them, logic and reasoning do not work. When a child is angry, the limbic system sends messages to the thinking brain, but the problem is that the thinking brain cannot talk back. The brain tends to be overly “optimistic” and “attacks” when other actions would be more effective. The angry brain thinks it is going to accomplish more than it can because it minimizes risk, overestimates skill, and underestimates others. Angry people tend to take more risks and focus on action rather than introspection.
Why do we get angry even when our safety is not under threat? Because we view events that block our needs as indirect threats to our survival. We get frustrated when something or someone gets in the way of accomplishing our goal: heavy traffic keeps us from getting to a movie on time, noisy children prevent us from teaching our class, our employer refuses to give us a raise we feel we deserve, our favorite basketball team loses a big lead in the playoffs. We get annoyed and sometimes angry when our coffee spills on the floor or when our stereo does not work properly. These events are not actual attacks, but they do involve unmet wants or needs and elicit the same emotion as if our survival were at stake.
We need only to misperceive someone’s intentions as hostile for us to experience anger. We get mad when someone taunts or provokes us, but not when we know they are just joking around. Some inequities can be tolerated, but we get upset easily when singled out and disadvantaged unfairly. An accidental bump or bruise is part of the game, but we will lose our temper if we believe that our opponent was deliberately trying to harm us. Children who can’t handle these inadvertent provocations are children who need help with anger control.
We will be sharing more tips on dealing with your child’s anger from The Fired Up Notebook by Jeff Sosne, Ph.D. and the FIRED UP online program.